Balderdash
by Lunar-ninja
Summary: An installment in the Chimaera Dragons series. What happens when you give a group of dragons and turtles a game based solely on humor?


**Disclaimer: **The only things I don't own are the ones relating to the TMNT (i.e. Casey Jones, April O'Neil, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Donatello, Splinter the Rat). If you hear or see a name that you don't recognize, most likely it shall be mine, for I have an odd obsession with making weird names.

A/N: This is part of a challenge issued by pacphys, Sassyblondexoxo, and Chibi Rose Angel. This is meant completely for a humorous read and not something serious like my last series. Most will argue that TM wasn't all that serious (rather silly actually) but the writer is the story's worst critic.

**Balderdash: TMNT style**

Mike tried hard to mask his laughter but all efforts failed in his attempt.

Don glared at him, as it was his turn to do the card picking. "Honestly, Mike, have you no self control?"

"Armageddon's come when he does," Saesha muttered from atop her perch on Don's shoulder. She stared in interest at her friend's choices. "I know this is a game about hilarity but it seems to have no point."

"Well, somebody apparently doesn't know how to laugh," Mike countered from his beanbag.

Don rolled his eyes and stared at the cards. This was a new game that Casey and April had bought for them just today and they were hard pressed at getting the hang of it. (Note: This is nearly a week past the date of C and A's wedding. Sorry, I just can't write a wedding, having fallen asleep in most of them.) Well, all but one. Since this was a game about things that make no sense, Mike was an absolute natural. "Okay, here are the choices. Was Burble a famous lumberjack, a professional skateboarder, a large-breasted woman whose reinforced steel bra was struck by lightning—"

Raph sniggered from his position on the couch. "We all know who wrote that one." Rijinn shot a smirk at Mike, who returned it with a pouting lip.

Don sighed and furrowed his brow. "Or was she a scientist who studied the mating process of frogs?"

Mikey made a face and groaned. "Eeeew."

"Time to choose, guys. Which was it?"

Kiyo looked apprehensively at Leo. "I wouldn't go with the bra one. It sounds too Mikey-ish." His partner nodded thoughtfully.

Raph grunted, "Guess I'll go first then. I'm gonna go with…" Everybody's breath was held in place. "…that bra one."

Aireilei moaned and turned around. "Oh, the sickness of these teens' minds is just too much to bear…I think I should've meditated with Splinter."

Bima landed on top of Leo's head, shooting the white dragon a disgusted look. "And yer a wet blanket," she shot back.

"At least _I'm _not obsessed with doing the turtles' martial arts practice with them!"

"Hey, it could come in handy! You're just too chicken to try it!"

Aireilei swiveled her large head, periwinkle eyes connecting with Bima's sapphire ones. "Maybe it's because I'm content with target practice on the sand bag dummy over there!"

Don slapped his tail on the floor, commanding silence. "Guys, shush! Every one else still has to make a choice! If you can't handle it, I suggest Bima teach Aireilei a few moves."

Airelei got up and snorted. "I'm surprised she can manage it with those stubs of legs she's got!" Bima growled, jumped up, and delivered a hard tornado kick to the white dragon's lithe tail, smacking it out of the air and onto the floor.

Bima fluttered gracefully down, baiting her friend with a teasing smile. "And maybe I'll give you a swimming lesson while I'm at it!"

Mike waved them off. "Yeah, sure, you do that, guys. Explore the sewer tunnels while we have fun." Grumbling darkly, the two arguing dragons sat down beside Leo.

"Okay, Leo, what'll you go with?" Don asked, turning amethyst eyes on his elder brother.

Leo made an uncomfortable face. "Well, the bra one sounds absolutely ridiculous, so I'll go with the…um, the mating process of frogs."

"Now look who's gross!" Rijinn retorted smugly.

"Mike?" Don stared at the orange-clad turtle.

His brother giggled. "The bra."

"Are you all insane?" No answers; just chuckles and giggles. "Aireilei?"

She sighed and started absently scratching the floor with her claw. "I guess I'll go with the skateboarder, even though I still don't know squat about this world."

Don grinned evilly. "The correct answer is…struck by lightning!" Mike and Raph both whooped loudly, exchanging high threes while Leo and Aireilei made horrified faces.

Aireilei sounded positively mortified at the two howling turtle siblings. "She got struck by lightning? How'd you like to be known for that?"

Leo cringed ruefully. "I guess it's worse when you've been struck simply because you're wearing a steel bra."

Mike, still in the process of recovering from his fit of hilarity, crowed happily. "Leo guessed mine, so I win one point!" He moved his yellow piece up one space.

Rijinn flapped to the game board. "And Aireilei guessed ours so we get to move up one space!" He grabbed the small red piece gently in his claws and placed it on the 'Double Bluff' space. He exchanged a victorious look with Raph. "It's our turn, so if they can't guess it, double the points!" The little red dragon resumed his spot on the arm of the couch.

Suddenly Iwansi came out of invisibility beside Mike, smiling like the cat who caught the canary. Don groaned, catching her drift. "Iwansi, you've got to stop looking at the choices when I can't see you! It's cheating!"

She shrugged. "It works."

"I think I should banish you from even watching this game," he growled.

"Yes, your cheating tactics do become highly annoying," Saesha promptly agreed.

"Hey, shut yer traps," Raph barked. "I'm picking." He pulled a card from the deck, took one look, and started howling. "Okay, okay…the word is furfur! Start…writing!" he gasped, picking up his pen. Once all of the papers had been passed in, he read them all to himself, showed them to Rijinn, and grinned. "Alright, here are the probable definitions: is furfur dandruff, animal fur mixed in droppings…" Low, audible, disgusted groans came from every contestant but Rijjin and himself. "…an expensive coat from Austria, or the hair found on clothes?"

Leo scratched his chin. "Let's see…I've a feeling I know who did the doodoo one, so that's off the list. I'll say the dandruff, even though I've never experienced such a thing."

Iwansi combed her tuft of fluff absently. "I have. It's one of the reasons I shower with Mike every time."

"Either that or you're just plain strange," Bima countered.

"Hey, shut up, guys, it's Don's turn!" Raph locked eyes with his genius brother and knew at once that his game had been in vain.

Don grinned evilly, forming a steeple with his fingers. "I'll go last for the sake of suspense."

"Drat. He always knows!"

Mike piped up. "I'll go for the poop one."

"You suuuure?"

"Yep."

"Alrighty, Airy, choose yer poison."

Aireilei seemed apprehensive about making a choice. "Well, I'm not positive, but I'll say that it's a coat."

"Dundundun! Don, it's your turn!"

Again with the evil grin! "Dandruff."

Raph let out a grating moan of disappointment. "I've never seen him miss a question yet!" He spun the questions card around and threw it, landing it neatly in the box.

"It was dandruff?" Kiyo asked.

"Yup."

Leo and Kiyo locked eyes, knowing full well they'd scored a hit. "Kiyo, you mind moving us up two spaces?"

"Hey, wait justa minute!" Mike said, sitting up in his beanbag. "Why do you get two points?"

Leo smirked in superiority. "Because you guessed mine."

Mike's jaw hung open in disbelief. "I had no idea you were a nasty turtle at heart! Oh, the sorrow of being beaten at my own game! Alas, I fear I will never play again!" He collapsed dramatically.

"Cork the dramatics, Mike." Kiyo raised his fan-like tail and blew a small whirlwind towards their green piece, lifting it up and setting it down two spaces from their previous position.

Bima snorted. "Lazy bum."

"Move me ahead a space?" Don asked Saesha.

The purple dragon happily complied. "Certainly." She raised the black piece with telekinesis and set it down on the next space.

"What? Who guessed yours?" Mike demanded.

"Aireilei."

The white dragon fell backwards. "I've been duped!" She sat back up and glared at her laughing compatriots. "That's it, I'm going to meditate with Splinter."

Mike giggled insanely.

Something hard whacked him across the skull. "Michelangelo," Splinter said threateninglyfrom behind him. He gulped and saw Raph make the 'cut throat' sign with his finger.

"Busted," Raph rumbled softly as his brother rubbed his skull. Iwansi settled herself in his lap.

Don yawned and stretched. "I've had enough of this game for now. I'm gonna go hit the sack."

"Betcha you'll be dreaming of Viking women with iron bras all night, Donnie!"

* * *

Truth be told, I rather enjoyed writing this load of hullabaloo. If any of you guys have ever played Balderdash, you know full well how fun and ridiculous it can get. Review if I got at least one guffaw out of you!

LN


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